Mother’s Ruin – Brexit, Gin and Boris Johnson

Let’s take stock of the world today, shall we? The President of The United States is Donald Trump. A man I can best describe as the Biff Tannen of American politics. The Prime Minister of Great Britain is Boris Johnson. A man I can only describe as the Boris Johnson of British Politics, purely because I’m seriously scratching my head to think of anyone, or indeed any thing to compare him to. Well, not without getting excessively scatological.

Dancin’ Feet – Paul McCartney, Apple Records And The End Of My Musical Career

Not a lot of people know this, but I was nearly a song writer. Sadly, my ambition in that direction was crushed very early on. Personally, I blame The Beatles. Particularly Paul McCartney. Although I suppose that my complete lack of musical talent might have been a factor. There was an event which all parents of small children in the 1970s anticipated with dread. The handing out to their eager offspring of descant recorders at school.

Spoofer McGrimes – How A Childhood Of Lying Has Led Me To Want To Be A Writer When I Grow Up

When I was a kid, I was very good at getting people to believe things. Maybe it was my cheeky imp-like face and cute little button nose. Maybe it was because when I told them things, I often did it on an individual basis like I was letting them in on some sort of secret. Who knows? But when I told outrageous porkies, the other kids believed me.

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Funeral – Freemasons, Gangsters And The Scorsese Family Christmas

 

You know the phrase “You’ll be late for your own funeral, you will”? Well, my dad very nearly was. In fact, he very nearly didn’t make it to his funeral at all. Personally, I blame The Freemasons for this.

So Here I Am Once More… – Marillion, Vaccines And Teenage Angst Poetry

When I was 14, I came down with a terrible dose of Marillion. It hit me particularly hard, because I was busy fighting off a virulent case of Catholicism at the time.

I am being metaphorical here, of course. Marillion is not a disease. It’s not like mumps or measles or scarlet fever or any of the other old time, wholesome maladies that the anti-vaxxers seem so grimly determined to make fashionable again.

Mirror Mirror On The Wall – Ghost Stories, Philosophy and The Power Of Coincidence

Today, I’m going to try some philosophy. It’s not going to be the philosophy of Socrates or Plato or Aristotle though. And that is the correct chronological order of those particular philosophers, by the way. Though I only know that because I’ve seen Bill And Ted’s Excellent Adventure so many times.

Minding The Gap – Choices, Babies And The Irrelevance Of Money

Cultural Misappropriation – Dreadlocks, The Bible And Bill And Ted’s Excellent Adventure

I haven’t posted in a while, but I’m not going to ease myself back in gently. I’m going to ask myself a difficult and controversial question. “Should white people be allowed to wear dreadlocks?” No, they shouldn’t. Because, with very few exceptions, white people look really fucking stupid with dreadlocks. That’s just a fact. Okay, it’s a fashion fact rather than a political one, but it’s still a fact. Ermmm… it would seem that this question wasn’t quite as knotty as I thought it would be. Goodbye.

The Trousers Of Time – Donald Trump, Stephen Hawking And The Awful Truth About Time Travel

Escaped cartoon character Donald J Trump – before he moved into The White House- claimed that the penthouse he lived in was on the 66th floor of Trump Tower.

Trump Tower only has 58 floors.

Hips Don’t Lie – Shakira, Apollo 13 And The Joys Of Getting Older

As is the case with many men from the 1960s end of Generation X, I like to have a good old moan about my age. It doesn’t do anybody any harm and it’s one of the few avenues of entertainment left available to me that doesn’t cost any money. There is a problem with this form of amusement though.