Steps – Medicine, Marketing And The Myth Of Fitness

Podcasts. Or “listening to Radio 4” as we used to call them back in the olden days. They’re a godsend, aren’t they? I listen to dozens of them a week. Every day though, one of them gets interrupted. In fact, five days of the week, around about three in the morning, my phone stops whatever podcast I’m listening to and congratulates me on having completed 10,000 steps. In case you’re wondering about the “three in the morning” part of that statement, I’m not some sort of insomniac power walker. I happen to work night shifts. I’m well looked after by my employers but the job isn’t terribly intellectually taxing, so I use podcasts to get me through the night. Read More…

Mother’s Ruin – Brexit, Gin and Boris Johnson

Let’s take stock of the world today, shall we? The President of The United States is Donald Trump. A man I can best describe as the Biff Tannen of American politics. The Prime Minister of Great Britain is Boris Johnson. A man I can only describe as the Boris Johnson of British Politics, purely because I’m seriously scratching my head to think of anyone, or indeed any thing to compare him to. Well, not without getting excessively scatological. Read More…

Dancin’ Feet – Paul McCartney, Apple Records And The End Of My Musical Career

Not a lot of people know this, but I was nearly a song writer. Sadly, my ambition in that direction was crushed very early on. Personally, I blame The Beatles. Particularly Paul McCartney. Although I suppose that my complete lack of musical talent might have been a factor. There was an event which all parents of small children in the 1970s anticipated with dread. The handing out to their eager offspring of descant recorders at school. Read More…

Spoofer McGrimes – How A Childhood Of Lying Has Led Me To Want To Be A Writer When I Grow Up

When I was a kid, I was very good at getting people to believe things. Maybe it was my cheeky imp-like face and cute little button nose. Maybe it was because when I told them things, I often did it on an individual basis like I was letting them in on some sort of secret. Who knows? But when I told outrageous porkies, the other kids believed me. Read More…

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Funeral – Freemasons, Gangsters And The Scorsese Family Christmas

 

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You know the phrase “You’ll be late for your own funeral, you will”? Well, my dad very nearly was. In fact, he very nearly didn’t make it to his funeral at all. Personally, I blame The Freemasons for this. Read More…

So Here I Am Once More… – Marillion, Vaccines And Teenage Angst Poetry

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When I was 14, I came down with a terrible dose of Marillion. It hit me particularly hard, because I was busy fighting off a virulent case of Catholicism at the time.

I am being metaphorical here, of course. Marillion is not a disease. It’s not like mumps or measles or scarlet fever or any of the other old time, wholesome maladies that the anti-vaxxers seem so grimly determined to make fashionable again. Read More…

Mirror Mirror On The Wall – Ghost Stories, Philosophy and The Power Of Coincidence

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Today, I’m going to try some philosophy. It’s not going to be the philosophy of Socrates or Plato or Aristotle though. And that is the correct chronological order of those particular philosophers, by the way. Though I only know that because I’ve seen Bill And Ted’s Excellent Adventure so many times. Read More…

Brexit Inferno! – Bangers, Flick Knives And Digging For Victory

“The Day The Earth Caught Fire!” No, that’s not a headline from the front page of The Daily Express. It’s the title of an old movie. Though it could be something The Daily Express might bang on about. They love a bit of extreme weather and impending doom at that newspaper. Reading The Daily Express is a bit like having a conversation with one of those blokes who used to walk around with a sandwich board proclaiming “The End Is Nigh”. Read More…

Cultural Misappropriation – Dreadlocks, The Bible And Bill And Ted’s Excellent Adventure

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I haven’t posted in a while, but I’m not going to ease myself back in gently. I’m going to ask myself a difficult and controversial question. “Should white people be allowed to wear dreadlocks?” No, they shouldn’t. Because, with very few exceptions, white people look really fucking stupid with dreadlocks. That’s just a fact. Okay, it’s a fashion fact rather than a political one, but it’s still a fact. Ermmm… it would seem that this question wasn’t quite as knotty as I thought it would be. Goodbye. Read More…