Sorry, I Didn’t Quite Catch That – How People Continually Miss The Point And Why I Am The Worst Offender

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When I left Higher Education in the early Nineties, I did what many recent graduates did at that time. I went on the dole for two years and then eventually found a job that I could have got without any qualifications whatsoever. Read More…

Spies Like Us – How A Man In A Brightly Coloured Jumper Trained Me In The Art Of Espionage

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When I was nine years old, I wanted to be a spy. Hell, I’m 46 now and I still want to be a spy. Sadly, the arena for my boyhood dreams of being a secret agent no longer exists. The cold war is over. There is no square-jawed and deadly man called Yuri for me to tie to a chair and beat information out of. Read More…

Bang Bang – How Almost Being Mugged Led To Me Almost Getting Off With A Beautiful Woman

One chilly evening, back at the end of the 1990s, a man tried to mug me with an imaginary handgun. This made sense in an odd way. Most of the time, my money is completely imaginary. Read More…

IT’S FUNNY WHAT YOU MISS – How Nostalgia Can Help You Keep Your Head When Your Head’s Not In A Good Place

Me Keeping Dinner Company On Christmas Eve

Me Keeping Dinner Company On Christmas Eve

It’s Boxing Day, 1978. Obviously it isn’t, but just pretend for a moment. A small boy is sitting in front of an old valve driven Rediffusion telly. He’s only ten, but rapidly learning about that desperate ennui which settles on a house every 26th of December. Read More…

A Brief History Of Hong Kong Hip Hop – How Bruce Lee Invented Everything And Audrey Hepburn Liked It Rough

It is a little known fact that Bruce Lee invented Hip Hop. Like most people, I had assumed that Hip Hop came Straight Outta Compton and was hammered into shape by Dr Dre and his crew. Not so. Scratching, mixing, beatboxing. All invented by Bruce Lee.  Don’t believe me? Here’s the proof: Read More…

Starbucks, Frankincense and Myrrh – Why We Should Stop Thinking About Cups And Start Thinking About Each Other

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Jesus and disposable cardboard coffee cups. These two things have been inextricably linked since time immemorial. If you define “since time immemorial” as “since 1997”. Rather than using the legal definition of “since the 6th of July 1189”. Read More…

Football Crazy, Football Mad –  Why Footballers Get Paid So Much And Aren’t Called “Nobby” Anymore

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When I was a kid, back in the 1970s, footballers were called things like “Chopper” and “Nobby.” The “Choppers” were solid men. Walls of meat almost entirely immune to injury and pain. The “Nobbies” of the football world were nippy, sinewy types. They were cobbled together out of elastic bands and kneecaps and consequently also immune to injury and pain. Read More…

It’s Hedy, Not Hedley – How I’m Thrilled A 1940s Film Star Is Today’s Google Doodle And Why You Should Be Too

I was a bit of an odd child. Some people who know me might say that this should come as no surprise, seeing that I am a bit of an odd adult. I’d love to be able to say “fuck them, what do they know?” but I’d be on shaky ground as far as empirical evidence goes if I’m being honest with myself. Read More…

Great American Traditions – Why British Traditions May Be Older But Not Necessarily Better

British Halloween Celebrations Tend To Be Basic At Best

Americans claim to have invented Halloween, and let’s face it, they did. In Britain we have celebrated it for much longer, but in rather a rubbish fashion it has to be admitted. It’s actually an old Pagan festival called Samhain. And like all Pagan festivals, it was long ago hijacked by the Catholic Church. Hence the name Halloween. Short for “All Hallows Eve”, the day before All Saints’ Day Read More…

Time Travel Unravelled – Why Time Travellers Are Walking Among Us And How To Spot Them

Stephen Hawking once asked the question: “If time travel is possible, where are the time travellers? Why haven’t we met any of them?” He even threw a party for the time travellers back in 2009. He didn’t send out the invites until after the party was over, in order to avoid the inevitable members of the “tinfoil hat” brigade turning up and pretending they were from the future. Or more like actually believing they were from the future. Read More…