Solid Potato Salad – Why There’s No Reason A Scene In A Movie Has To Have Anything To Do With The Movie Itself

 

Have you ever heard of a movie called Broadway Rhythm, or a group of performers called The Ross Sisters? No? Well, me neither up until a few days ago. Then this video popped up on my Facebook feed. The caption said “You won’t believe what these girls do next!”

Normally when I click on something with a caption like that, I can pretty much guess what’s going to happen next. This one completely blindsided me though.  It started off like a typical scene in any 1940s “screwball comedy”. Then, a couple of minutes in, it got really freaky. Here’s the video if you think I’m exaggerating: Read More…

Namers Gonna Name – Why New Parents Shouldn’t Deliberate Too Much About What To Call Their Children

 

Back in the 1970s, Billy Connolly wrote a song called “Talkin’ Blues (What’s In A Name?)” Here it is in its entirety: Read More…

Cocaine Derisions – Why The Recently Disgraced Lord Sewel Should Actually Be Applauded

145-Lord-Sewel-is-pictured-wearing-orange-bra-in

The above photo appeared in The Sun newspaper today. I was thoroughly disgusted by it. This man is Deputy Speaker of The House of Lords, and as such is supposed to be in charge of standards. I mean, look at him. What the hell does he think he’s doing?

Everybody knows that if a man wears a bra after snorting cocaine off a hooker’s breasts, the man must wear that bra on his head. Read More…

Ctrl, Alt, Del – What’s Wrong With The British Economy And How To Fix It

 If you stand at the end of my street and look at the roofs of the houses, you will notice something. Read More…

AFTERNOON DELIGHT – A Tribute To Past Pleasures And The Reason Why Smoking Ban Is Good For Smokers

 

This Is How I Remember It. Though There May Have Been Carpets And Wallpaper

This Is How I Remember Proper Pubs. Though There May Have Been Carpets And Wallpaper

Everything’s coming to us too easily nowadays. The Great Beast that is consumerism needs feeding and as it gets hungrier and greedier the more we cave into its demands. We learn to take things for granted that we couldn’t have imagined in our wildest dreams only a few years before. Read More…

The Bonus Round – How We Can Thwart The Evil Plot To Keep Pluto Away From Its Rightful Place Among The Planets

Mark-and-Tina

“My very excellent mother just slaps ugly naked people”. This sentence might go some way to explaining my unruly behaviour as an adult. If it were literally true. Which it isn’t. It’s actually just a mnemonic. An aid to memory that I have used for many years for recalling the planets of our Solar Sytem. Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto. Read More…

THE MILK OF HUMAN KIDNEYS – How The Piss Taking Charity Muggers Got Their Comeuppance and Why I Was There To See It. Sort of.

This Is What A First Class Honours In Media Studies Gets You Nowadays. Still, Nice Bucket

The following is a true story, in that it happened in my head, Read More…

Fifty Shades Of Grating – How A 1970s Comic Book Might Explain The Perplexing Success Of E L James’ Writing

 

At the end of June this year, E L James held a Twitter Q and A session. We all knew how that was going to end. Many people speculated as to why E L James’ publicist thought that a Twitter Q and A might be a good idea in the first place. The answer is simple. It was a good idea. Publicity is publicity. Or as Oscar Wilde put it: “There’s only one thing worse than being talked about and that’s not being talked about.” Read More…

Doin’ The Lambeth Walk – The Queen’s Secret Past And Where Princess Margaret Hid Her Nazis

queen-nazi-salute

Unless you’ve been living in a cave for the last few days, you will doubtless be aware of the photo above. It was published in The Sun newspaper, in case you missed their subtle product placement there. Read More…