Dancin’ Feet – Paul McCartney, Apple Records And The End Of My Musical Career

Not a lot of people know this, but I was nearly a song writer. Sadly, my ambition in that direction was crushed very early on. Personally, I blame The Beatles. Particularly Paul McCartney. Although I suppose that my complete lack of musical talent might have been a factor. There was an event which all parents of small children in the 1970s anticipated with dread. The handing out to their eager offspring of descant recorders at school.

There Can Be Only One – Soulmates, Dragons And Unicorn Sandwiches

The Internet. It’s not all amusing cats, sex and Facebook. Well, okay, it’s about 96 percent those things but there’s other stuff on there too. Motivational memes are pretty popular. Happiness is a subject that crops up a great deal. Lots of unhappy people on the internet, apparently. As anyone who has spent more than five minutes interacting on Twitter can tell you.

Sugar And Spice – The Terrible Truth About What Women Really Think

 

When I was a little boy, my mum and her friends would sometimes recite a little rhyme to me. It went like this: “Michael Grimes is no good/Chop him up for firewood/When he’s dead, boil his head/And make it into gingerbread”.

Starbucks, Frankincense and Myrrh – Why We Should Stop Thinking About Cups And Start Thinking About Each Other

Jesus and disposable cardboard coffee cups. These two things have been inextricably linked since time immemorial. If you define “since time immemorial” as “since 1997”. Rather than using the legal definition of “since the 6^th of July 1189”.

The Idiot Test – How The Internet Treats You Like A Moron And Why It Is Often Bang On The Money

Comic book annuals back in the 1970s had a lot of what you might call “filler” in them. Cartoon strips are expensive to produce and so the annuals were padded out with facts and quizzes and stock photograph articles about Harrier Jump Jets and that sort of thing.

Good Will Shunting – Why There Are Some Facts Of Life We Might Be Better Off Not Finding Out.

Punked!

 

Back in 1997, people warmed to the touching story of Good Will Hunting. Not so much the film itself, which is a bit schmaltzy and for most people is the sort of movie you watch late at night when a few too many glasses of wine have made you a bit weepy anyway. Personally, I go for Apollo 13 when I’m in that condition.

Information Superhighway Robbery – Why Twitter Isn’t The Safest Place To Keep Your Valuables

 

“If you sit on your parents until they go numb, it feels like somebody else is bitterly disappointed in you”.

A Song Of Ire And Vice – How The Accents On Game Of Thrones Are Rubbish And Why Nothing Can Be Done About It

You Knuur Nothing John Snuur. Except What My Tits Look Like, Obviously

If you obsess about the accents on “Game Of Thrones”, you are clearly missing it’s central themes. These themes are, as far as I have been able to make out, dragons and gratuitous nudity.

The Silence Of The LANs – Why Future Generations Will Take A Very Dim View Of Our Obsession With Hilarious Cat Videos

 

Ecclesiastical Shitbox. Not a phrase you come across very often.

Why Don’t You Just F…-The Double Edged Sword Of The Internet And How To Blunt It

When I was a little boy, back in the 1970s, there was a programme on the BBC during the summer holidays called “Why Don’t You..?” Here’s an example of an episode from 1973.