Archive | March 2013

The Serviette Union

THE SERVIETTE UNION – How Advancing Years And Nightshift Work Make You Think Some Very Odd Thoughts

 I wrote this fourteen years ago. Strangely, I don’t feel quite as old now.

Ship Shape And Bristol Fashion

Sitting at a breakfast table in a hotel in Bristol, I realized my childhood was over. This thought should have occurred to me earlier than this, what with me being 34 and all, but it hadn’t. My faithful old red Armani jumper was looking a bit ragged and grubby. It had been a rough night, working a night shift at a strange branch of my company. I’d had to go to hospital, due to some minor complications arising from heart surgery some months before, but that wasn’t it. Read More…


Catholics Anonymous – Why There’s No Such Word As Catholohol But There Bloody Well Should Be.

“Hello, my name’s Mike and I’m a Catholic”. Read More…

Motivational Post-Its


Here’s a blast form the past from way back in the Summer of 2011

The Three Ways Your Employer Takes the Piss Out Of You And, What You Can Do About It

Please Sir, Can I Have An Equitable Pension?

Employers take the piss out of employees; that much is obvious to anyone who has ever suffered from the affliction we call working for a living: long hours, low wages, and unpaid overtime.

It’s an economic fact of life and it’s the reason your CEO lives in a mansion while you live in a hovel.

You know this, you’re not an idiot.

Read More…

Valentine’s Day

The Unemployed Graduate

The roots of Valentine’s Day can be traced back to the Catholic Churches ‘Feast of Saint Valentine’, which celebrates the martyrdom of the persecuted Valentinus, who healed his jailer’s daughter and left the note ‘from your Valentine’ before being taken to a gladiator arena where he got two shades of shit kicked out of him in front of 60,000 pissed up Roman spectators.

Embargoed to 0001 Monoday June 7, 2010. CHANNEL 4 handout picture. Skeletons unearthed at a site in York may be part of the world's only well-preserved Roman gladiator cemetery, according to Kurt Hunter-Mann, a field officer at York Archaeological Trust. PRESS ASSOCIATION Photo. Issue date: Sunday June 6, 2010. The research, which features in a Channel 4 documentary, Gladiators: Back From The Dead, on Monday June 14, has involved the investigation of 80 skeletons unearthed at the site in Driffield Terrace, just west of the centre of York, over the past decade. See PA story HISTORY Gladiator.   Picture credit should read: C4 /PA Wire This picture may be used solely for Channel 4 programme publicity purposes in connection with the current broadcast of the programme(s) featured in the national and local press and listings. Not to be reproduced or redistributed for any use or in any medium not set out above (including the internet or other electronic form) without the prior written consent of Channel 4 Picture Publicity 020 7306 8685Photographer: C4

Being decapitated in front of some jeering Roman’s, how romantic!

In recent years Hallmark and artisan chocolatiers have succeeded in taking this religious commemoration by duping emotionally stunted men into making amends for their years of neglect and general disinterest in their relationships by asserting that a person’s love can be measured by the size of an invariably overpriced teddy bear gifted on an arbitrary date in February! On this day, faux French restaurants with the confusing and unwarranted presence of a failed concert violinist will be…

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The Job Interview

The Unemployed Graduate

For those of you who are unaware of my recent job calamity, here’s a recap. Since graduating I’ve been working as a temp in a South London Hospital and have been subjected to a cacophony of teeth kissing and acrylic nails tapping keyboards by my ‘sassy’ co-workers. The only person more annoying than these two ‘drag queen’ lookalikes is an incompetent manager who looked like something out of the Nutty Professor and had a Mugabe-esque managerial style. After spending a year of being ground down into the carpet I finally exploded and left the office in a tirade, only to be placed back in the same Hospital by my twat of a recruitment consultant!

Recruitment Consultant

So, I was working in the offices opposite my former colleagues, and spent the majority of my day ducking and diving around pillars, wearing a Bruce Willis wig and sometimes wearing a patient smock! My…

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The Bedroom Tax Part Two – Is David Cameron Really This Arrogant Or Is Something More Sinister Going On?

That's The Right Hand. the Left Hand Doesn't Know What It's Doing. See?

That’s The Right Hand. the Left Hand Doesn’t Know What It’s Doing. See?

Until very recently, The Bedroom Tax was officially called “The Under Occupation Penalty” by the Government. Read More…