Archive | December 2013

It’s Beginning To Smell A Lot Like Christmas – Why Most Scrooges Don’t REALLY Hate The Yuletide Season

Bah! Humbug!

Bah! Humbug!

 

The dread month December is well and truly upon us once more. Winter has us cornered. It’s baring its teeth and getting ready to go for the throat. Read More…

Exciting tips on how to fail at your New Year’s writing resolutions

Ned's Blog

image No, we didn’t hit a time warp. And no, you aren’t just waking up from a rum-induced fog caused by fruitcake vapors. It really is FRIDAY! If you’re like me, and spent most of yesterday thinking it was Monday, this probably comes as a bit of a shock. Rest assured, being a journalist, I have verified this development through rigorous research and the help of my local Starbuck’s, where I was told it is Frappe’ Friday. That means in addition to saving .50 cents on a $9 coffee drink whose name sounds like a kitten getting sick, it’s also time for Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing — or my NWOW for short. Not that my NWOW has ever been called short.

At least in terms of word count.

For those who might be visiting for the first time, I should explain this is the day I draw upon my 15…

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Love Song

It seems it’s very fashionable to mutilate the genre of musical theatre with ill advised renderings of shows such as  “The Sound of Music”. So I thought I’d throw this out there. It’s some alternative lyrics to “These Are a Few of My Favourite Things” for all you BDSM fans and paraphiliacs out there. Read More…

One of the biggest mistakes in my life? The time I quit writing

A touching mixture of humour and home truths there Ned. You should be particularly proud of this one.

Ned's Blog

image Hello and welcome to what Modern Blogger Magazine has called “The Most Popular Weekly Feature on the Internet, at least on Fridays, for sites named Ned’s Blog, and not counting porn sites with the same name.” I’m obviously VERY excited about this distinction! Although, not being one of those sites, my excitement is a little more discreet. Not to say my excitement isn’t enormous! It’s actually huge!

Wait… this isn’t coming out right at all. I just mean that if you could see me right now, you’d know I’m very happy… DANG IT! I’m going to quit while I’m a head.

Anyway, for those who might be visiting for the first time, assuming you are still reading after that opening, my Nickel’s Worth on Writing is that day each week when I take insights gained through 15 years as a newspaper columnist and offer them up, much like…

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If you can’t find time to write, then MAKE time — or I swear I’ll send you a fruitcake!

Ned's Blog

image Because this week’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing happens to fall on Friday the 13th, and because undisputed Master of Horror STEPHEN KING was kind enough to send in a special accolade, we’re totally skipping my normal introduction about offering writing tips based on my 15 years as a columnist (stop yawning) so we can get right to Mr. King’s unsolicited accolade regarding the value of my weekly NWOW and how a run-on sentence can get people to read an entire opening paragraph before they even know it!

Comment from THE Stephen King:

“Ned, I visit your Nickel’s Worth quiet often. And so does my LAWYER. We’ll be in touch.”

— Sincerely, Stephen King (Undisputed Master of Horror)

Wow!

With that kind of affirmation, I could end this post right there — and my lawyer agrees I probably should. But my weekly NWOW isn’t about me; it isn’t about flaunting the…

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DE BURGH! – Why I Hate Christmas Songs And How We May Have Missed An Important Message From Space Because We Were Watching The Spice Girls

It Puts The Lotion On Its Skin Or We Play It

It Puts The Lotion On Its Skin Or We Play It “Solsbury Hill” again

It’s December. So Christmas is bearing down on us like the uncontrollable rabid animal it undoubtedly is. There are many things I despise about the festive season, but top of the list has to be Christmas songs. Read More…

Full Throttle  – What Happed When I Told My Brain Off After It Saw A Controversial Photo

Nigella-Lawson-and-Charles-Saatchi

When I first saw this photo of Nigella Lawson being throttled, I was shocked. Not shocked at the picture itself, but shocked at my reaction to the picture. Dismayed at the first gut instinct thoughts on the scene displayed before me. Read More…

Do you feel a draft? It’s time to revise your manuscript

Ned's Blog

Do you feel a draft? Whether writing a 500-word column or 400-paged manuscript, there comes that satisfying moment when you hit the final keystroke. The sound echoes, in slow motion, reverberating through your body and outward, catching anyone within a three-mile radius in its ripple effect.

Outside your window, traffic comes to a stop. Drivers and pedestrians join together, taking time from their day to cheer, applauding so loud and hard their hands turn pink.

And wait — is that a tear I see glistening in the eye of the Fed-Ex driver?

It’s embarrassing, really.

But who can blame them?

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Reasons why I’m horrible at promoting my book

Ned's Blog

image Welcome to this week’s edition of Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing, when I draw upon my 15 years as a columnist to offer pearls of wisdom which, much like pearls from an actual oyster, started off as a small irritation before natural mucus secretions created something rare and highly coveted. But don’t just take my word for it! Many of today’s most prolific authors have referred to my weekly NWOW as:

“Something … actual”
“Highly … written,” and
“A rare … secretion.”

Awww shucks! Enough with the accolades!

This week’s NWOW is going to be a bit of a departure because, as you can see, the shameless self promotion of my book has begun and, to be quite honest, I am discovering I have a natural God-given gift for discouraging people from buying it.

Maybe I’m too honest.

Maybe I’m not polished enough at schmoozing.

Maybe I have a…

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Usage And Abusage – Part One : Proactive (The Word, Not The Cholesterol Reducing Margarine)

01

On Second Thoughts Mr Gaylord. Sir. We’ve Decided Not To Take Your Lunch Money

As words spread out through The Great Unwashed, they have an annoying habit of changing meaning. Perhaps the most dramatic mutation of meaning in recent times is the in the usage of the word “Gay”. Read More…