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Hips Don’t Lie – Shakira, Apollo 13 And The Joys Of Getting Older


As is the case with many men from the 1960s end of Generation X, I like to have a good old moan about my age. It doesn’t do anybody any harm and it’s one of the few avenues of entertainment left available to me that doesn’t cost any money. There is a problem with this form of amusement though. Read More…


Teenage Mutant Ninja Hurdles – How Martial Arts Have Taught Me Persistence Pays And Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

Back in 1983, when I was 14, I started practising martial arts. Like many people who become martial artists, I started off with karate. Shotokan karate, to be precise. And like many people who start fight training, I became absolutely obsessed with it. Here is a photo of me taken at Christmas that year: Read More…

Resolution (Slips Away Again) – How To Have Your Cake And Eat It


Twas the night before Christmas, And all ‘round the house, Not a creature was stirring, Not even a mouse….except for the lady of the house, of course, who was creeping stealthily towards the fridge and thinking : “It’s Christmas Day tomorrow and I’m going to be spending most of it in this kitchen. Fuck it. I’m having another piece of cake.” Read More…

This Is Your War. This Is Your War On Drugs – How America Is Finally Realizing That Richard Nixon May Have Been Wrong About Something



In 1971, Richard Milhous Nixon announced the war on drugs. That war has been raging for 43 years, but it looks like it is finally coming to an end. And it looks like the American Government has lost and that the people on drugs have won. Read More…

A COUNTERBLASTE TO TOBBACCO REPLACEMENT – How All Adverts Lie To You But Some Lie More Than Others


 Adverts lie to us. That’s ok though, because everyone knows that. The women in the photos that tout anti-wrinkle treatments are quite clearly squinting and have had their negligible laughter lines filled in with black crayon in the “before” shots. In the “after” shots, they’ve unscrewed their faces and wiped the crayon off with cold cream and-abracadabra- they look fifteen years younger. The women who purchase these products are fully aware of that, and of the fact that what they are buying is hope rather than solutions.

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The Cold Wet Nose Of The Little Black Dog – How To Use The Rolled Up Newspaper Of Experience To Keep Depression At Bay


Winston Churchill famously suffered from depression. Even more famously, he called his depression the “Black Dog” on his back. Read More…

Football’s Coming Home – Why Britain Gave Away Baseball But May Never Recapture Football

Baseball. As Seen By British People

Baseball. As Seen By British People


Multibillionaire Warren Buffet gets very angry with his fellow entrepreneurs. Not all of them, just the ones who claim that luck had nothing to do with their success. Read More…

SIX PACKS – Why Abs Are Strictly For Youngsters And How To Easily Come To Terms With Your Natural Male Shape


Can't Find The Cheese Grater AGAIN Babe? Oh, Go On Then.

Can’t Find The Cheese Grater AGAIN Babe? Oh, Go On Then.

I go to the gym and enjoy it, and I’m not afraid to say so. I go for lots of reasons. To keep the black dog of depression at bay, to ogle girls, to save money by not going to the pub. Read More…

GYM JENGA GIRL – Why Not Every Beautiful Woman You See At The Gym Makes You Feel Sexually Aroused

I See Women Doing Many Things When They Work Out, But Smiling Is Never One Of Them

I See Women Doing Many Things When They Work Out, But Smiling Is Never One Of Them

I saw a beautiful woman at the gym this morning. I’m calling her Gym Jenga Girl. I have little nicknames for a lot of the attractive females I see there. Let me see, there’s Running Girl; she just goes on the treadmill and nothing else. There’s Unnecessarily Fit Girl; she grapevines her legs together, sticks them in the air and then does crunches for half an hour at a time. I mean, seriously, what activity outside the gym do you have to be that fit for? No, not even that one. Not unless she’s in the habit of sleeping with Bonobo chimps. Then there’s…well, you get the idea. Read More…

YOU NEVER HAD IT SO BAD – Why We’re All Full Of It When We’re Ill And How Harold Macmillan Was Right About One Thing.

Women harp on about the old man flu, and there’s no denying the phenomenon. But it’s not restricted to men and it certainly isn’t restricted to flu. I’ll get back to flu in a moment, but let’s start off with the female equivalent of Man Flu. Migraine. Read More…