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Toki Pona – Fluency In Silence And The Assassination Of Donald Trump

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Apart from a few scintillating highlights, 2016 has been the worst fucking year of my entire life. I don’t feel too badly about it though, because broadly speaking 2016 has been a bad year for pretty much everybody.

So many dead celebrities. So many fallen heroes that looking back on this year is like viewing the killing fields at the end of the first day of The Battle of the Somme. Read More…

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The Mayor Of Trump Town –  How To Resolve The Presidential Election Dilemma With A Mission To Mars

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Americans are terribly proud of the fact that any US citizen can become President Of The United States. They certainly seem to have been going all out to prove that particular point over the last few months. Ok, we get it. But could you just stop now please. You’re really, really scaring us. I don’t know about you, but if my arsehole was puckered up any tighter it would be in serious danger of healing shut. Read More…

Sorry, I Didn’t Quite Catch That – How People Continually Miss The Point And Why I Am The Worst Offender

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When I left Higher Education in the early Nineties, I did what many recent graduates did at that time. I went on the dole for two years and then eventually found a job that I could have got without any qualifications whatsoever. Read More…

Reservoir Pigs – Some Final Thoughts On The Pig Gate Scandal

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Last week, I wrote a post on the subject of the Pig Gate Scandal. “The Ballad Of Pigfucker Dave”. In this post, I moaned about the fact that David Cameron was now going to be remembered as “Pigfucker Dave”, rather than for all the horrible government policies he has presided over. Read More…

This Is Your War. This Is Your War On Drugs – How America Is Finally Realizing That Richard Nixon May Have Been Wrong About Something

Allegedly

 

In 1971, Richard Milhous Nixon announced the war on drugs. That war has been raging for 43 years, but it looks like it is finally coming to an end. And it looks like the American Government has lost and that the people on drugs have won. Read More…

The Ballad Of Pigfucker Dave – The Secret Agenda Behind The Pig Gate Scandal

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Poor David Cameron. Poor, poor (obscenely rich and achingly privileged) David Cameron. He’s been somewhat stabbed in the back by The Daily Mail, hasn’t he? Read More…

Cocaine Derisions – Why The Recently Disgraced Lord Sewel Should Actually Be Applauded

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The above photo appeared in The Sun newspaper today. I was thoroughly disgusted by it. This man is Deputy Speaker of The House of Lords, and as such is supposed to be in charge of standards. I mean, look at him. What the hell does he think he’s doing?

Everybody knows that if a man wears a bra after snorting cocaine off a hooker’s breasts, the man must wear that bra on his head. Read More…

Ctrl, Alt, Del – What’s Wrong With The British Economy And How To Fix It

 If you stand at the end of my street and look at the roofs of the houses, you will notice something. Read More…

THE MILK OF HUMAN KIDNEYS – How The Piss Taking Charity Muggers Got Their Comeuppance and Why I Was There To See It. Sort of.

This Is What A First Class Honours In Media Studies Gets You Nowadays. Still, Nice Bucket

The following is a true story, in that it happened in my head, Read More…

The Paisley Pattern – Why Mhairi Black May Need To Consider Buying Some Asbestos Underwear

 

If you’re going to fight someone, always make them underestimate you. Give them the impression that you are not a threat and then blindside them when they least expect it.

That advice – paraphrased of course – is straight out of Sun Tsu’s “The Art Of War”. Or possibly from Eric Van Lustbader’s “The Ninja”.  I haven’t read either book for quite some time so I can’t quite remember. It’s sound advice though, whatever its literary provenance. Read More…