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Context – Why Charity Can’t Be An Excuse For Everything And Not All Uniforms Are Sexy

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One Friday afternoon, when I was in Sixth Form, me and my friend Shane abandoned our usual lessons, put on our Ku Klux Klan uniforms and ran around the streets demanding money. I realise that sounds a teeny bit racist and possibly a trifle thuggish, so please allow me to explain myself. There was a good reason for our little afternoon outing. Read More…

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You Can’t Always Get What You Want – How To Turn The Tartan Trousers Of Disappointment Into The Shark Attack Of Happiness

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That’s a photo of me at my big brother’s wedding. I am not the tall fella on the left and nor am I the bearded chap in the middle. I’m the one in the tartan trousers. The bearded chap with his hands on my shoulders is my big brother, Paul. Read More…

Toki Pona – Fluency In Silence And The Assassination Of Donald Trump

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Apart from a few scintillating highlights, 2016 has been the worst fucking year of my entire life. I don’t feel too badly about it though, because broadly speaking 2016 has been a bad year for pretty much everybody.

So many dead celebrities. So many fallen heroes that looking back on this year is like viewing the killing fields at the end of the first day of The Battle of the Somme. Read More…

The Magic Cooking Pot – How To Make Happy Memories With Lots Of Time But Very Little Money

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 When I was a kid, around about this time of year, there was one little treat I used to look forward to more than anything else. I always knew this treat was coming because my mum would wash out The Big Black Cooking Pot. It looked a bit like the one in that picture, but a lot less fancy and a hell of a lot more battered. It must have held a good couple of gallons and you had to put it across two gas rings to use it. And The Big Black Cooking Pot being washed out could mean only one thing. Home-made soup. Read More…

Football Crazy, Football Mad –  Why Footballers Get Paid So Much And Aren’t Called “Nobby” Anymore

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When I was a kid, back in the 1970s, footballers were called things like “Chopper” and “Nobby.” The “Choppers” were solid men. Walls of meat almost entirely immune to injury and pain. The “Nobbies” of the football world were nippy, sinewy types. They were cobbled together out of elastic bands and kneecaps and consequently also immune to injury and pain. Read More…

The Crock Of Shit At The End Of The Rainbow – Why Pensions Aren’t As Sensible As They Seem And What Alternatives You Can Provide For Yourself

Hi. I'm Brett Riverboat. Your Personal Financial Advisor.

Hi. I’m Brett Riverboat. Your Personal Financial Advisor.

 Twenty five years old. That’s the age when the hum drum realities of life start to tap you on the shoulder. If you don’t turn around to face them, they get you in a neck lock and wrestle you to the ground and then you’re screwed. Read More…

This Is Your War. This Is Your War On Drugs – How America Is Finally Realizing That Richard Nixon May Have Been Wrong About Something

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In 1971, Richard Milhous Nixon announced the war on drugs. That war has been raging for 43 years, but it looks like it is finally coming to an end. And it looks like the American Government has lost and that the people on drugs have won. Read More…

ITCHYCOO PARK – The War On Drugs And How To Win It

 

It Did Get A Bit Like This At One Point.

It Did Get A Bit Like This At One Point.

Picture the scene. It’s 2.30 in the morning in a wild natural park. Jesmond Dene in Newcastle upon Tyne if you happen to be familiar with it. Substitute any wild natural park if you are not. A group of young people are creeping cautiously along one of its many paths and occasionally diving into the undergrowth when a noise startles them. Read More…

The Creativity Vortex – Some Thoughts On Writing Brought To You By Harper Lee And Carl Douglas

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Everyone who writes for a living- or even just as a hobby- inevitably ends up locked in a cycle. That cycle is a cycle of thought, and it goes something like this: Read More…

Greece Is The Word – Why The Political Future Of Europe May Hinge On Puctuation

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Wednesday was the hottest July day in British history. It was also the day when Greece did the inevitable and became the first ever developed country to default on an IMF loan. This has put the IMF in a tricky situation. Read More…