Happy Birthday! – Why Her Britannic Majesty Knows More Than You Think

 

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It’s The Queen’s Birthday today and I’m celebrating by watching YouTube videos. I’m not a great royalist so there will be no bunting in my house today. Not unless Urban Dictionary has redefined “Bunting” as a verb meaning “to lounge about drinking tea, eating biscuits and watching stupid videos”.

A couple of the stupid videos I’ve been watching are by a channel called “Man Woman Myth” and they truly made my jaw drop. Here they are:


Now I’m no fan of feminism, but this shit is ridiculous. All of the movie clips used as examples are from really stupid movies. We know they are stupid movies and not a realistic template of social reality. Anyone who uses them to prove some sort of serious point is either an idiot or just taking the piss. Maybe the whole thing is a piss take that has gone over my head. I don’t really know. It’s difficult to tell who is joking and who is not on the internet nowadays.

I’m not going to pick these videos apart because if I start then it’s going to be very difficult for me to stop. This isn’t a marathon lecture. You don’t have the time and I don’t have two weeks and a blackboard. I am going to make a couple of points though.

In the second video, a statement flashes up which says “Number of women involved in the moon landings : zero”. I have no idea how many women were involved in the moon landings, but I know the number definitely  isn’t zero. That’s because I know about this woman:

hamilton

That is a photo of Margaret Hamilton. No, not the one that played The Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard Of Oz. This is a different Margaret Hamilton. This one was the head software engineer for the Apollo space programme. The software she wrote – that’s what she’s standing next to by the way- is what enabled Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin to bunny hop around the surface of an alien world. The reason they could do this is that Margaret Hamilton wrote software that could dump unneeded data and then allow the computer to reboot instantly. Yes, you heard me correctly. Reboot instantly. Which sort of makes you wonder what the fuck Apple and Microsoft have been playing at for the last few decades. Pull your fingers out for fuck’s sake. Margaret Hamilton wrote that software in 1969.

But it’s a part from the first video that really caught my attention. At one point there is a movie clip where a man asks a woman “How do you train an army?” And the narrator of the video says “Asking a woman how to train an army is like asking The Queen how to do an oil change.” Now I realise that the research into these YouTube offerings must have been minimal to say the least, but that is a very bad comparison to make.

You see, during World War Two, The Queen was in the ATS (Auxilliary Territorial Service), which was a part time voluntary branch of the regular army. Her main job was driving trucks. Well actually, her main job was being Princess Elizabeth- she wasn’t Queen yet-  but her army job was driving trucks The Queen has an HGV license. And the ATS girls had to maintain their vehicles. So The Queen probably could tell you how to do an oil change. Or at least take you through the basics.

Anyway, the point is “Get your facts straight Man Woman Myth”. Also, if you want someone to tell you how to do an oil change, asking The Queen isn’t as batty an idea as it sounds. Happy birthday Your Majesty. I’m going to keep on drinking tea, eating biscuits and watching YouTube. Or “Bunting” as I am now calling it.

© Copyright Michael Grimes 2016

 

 

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About thedailygrime

At that awkward age - too young to be a grumpy old man, but just acerbic and downtrodden enough to have an opinion. Read it here.

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