Lesbians – Why Men Are Obsessed By Them And How That Fact Leaves Me Slightly Bemused

Lesbians. Boring.

Lesbians. Boring.


Lesbians. Straight men are obsessed with them, aren’t they? Why? It’s not as if women are obsessed with gay men. Oh yes, every girl wants a Gay Best Friend to listen to her and go shoe shopping with her and give her tips on how to make anal sex less painful. (The trick, by the way, is not to be the one on the receiving end of it).

But despite this GBF fixation, there are very few women out there who would get their rocks off by watching two men fucking. Seemingly though, every straight man gets hot under the collar at the sight of two girls getting it on. Except for me.

I can understand the visual appeal, of course. You get to see two sets of everything. It’s sort of like having two train sets. Imagine that, two train sets. What boy wouldn’t want two train sets?

I’ll tell you what kind of boy wouldn’t want two train sets. The sort of little boy who knows fine well that, even though he’s going to see both train sets in all their glory, he’s going to have very little opportunity, if any, to actually play with them.

The brutal fact is that even if you do manage to engineer a three-way with two girls, you are still not going to have a very good time. Not unless you’ve paid a couple of very expensive hookers to provide the experience. And even then it would be touch and go.

This is because, 9 times out of 10, if two girls agree to a three-way with you, then you are just there as a temporary buffer. A sort of legitimizer to allow them to explore their Sapphic feelings for each other. In other words, after an initial few minutes of groping and wrestling around, you my friend, are not going to get a look in.

The only chance at all you have of getting any jollies at all is if you can persuade them to administer a double header blowjob during this short period of groping and wrestling. They might go for it. They can snog a bit while they’re down there and it can add that final stamp of legitimacy to their girl-on-girl experimentation. Even then though, you’ll get a hand finished belly splash. They have plans for the rest of the evening and those plans do not include any sperm going inside them.

Having said all this, it’s not all bad. Once you’re spent, you can just wipe yourself down and quietly sneak off. You don’t have the pressure of having to satisfy either of them, nor the obligation to cuddle or speak to either of them when the show is over. You can feel free to go and finish off the latest Assassin’s Creed on your X Box. You could even have a quick shave and nip down to the local pub for a few pints if it’s still early enough. They’ll be far too pre-occupied to ransack your house or anything. In fact, they probably won’t even notice you’re gone.

Does all this mean that most men are a bit deluded and ultimately sexually selfish? I think we all know the answer to that.

© Copyright Michael Grimes 2014


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About thedailygrime

At that awkward age - too young to be a grumpy old man, but just acerbic and downtrodden enough to have an opinion. Read it here.

8 responses to “Lesbians – Why Men Are Obsessed By Them And How That Fact Leaves Me Slightly Bemused”

  1. theunemployedgraduate says :

    This should answer all your questions Mr Grimes.

  2. eden baylee says :

    The mind is a funny thing, Michael, especially when it comes to what arouses. I think the fantasy of 2 women for a man is intriguing. On the surface, it appears he wants to express himself as a Casanova-type, but dig a bit deeper, and I don’t think this is the case.

    As a caveat, you write about lesbians, but I would think most heterosexual men just want 2 attractive women, lesbian or not, and they would have no qualms being with him or one another. Again, we are in fantasy land.

    You mentioned men being a bit deluded and ultimately sexually selfish.

    Perhaps, but in this situation, I see it as the man who wants to be around sex, but not necessarily be responsible for it. I think this is the crux of the 3-way fantasy. The image of two women grips the male imagination because it expresses what a man finds so arousing — the sexually insatiable woman. As you say, he would probably be quite passive in the equation.

    He may be a voyeur happy to watch.

    Or he’s content to allow the women to have their way with him.

    From a man’s point of view, there must be some freedom in having a third party who can alleviate the pressure of him being ‘on’ to perform at every second.

    Am I off base?


    • thedailygrime says :

      You’re spot on as usual Eden. My whole lesbian fantasy scenario thing may have unfortunately been shut down by the reality of having shared a house with a lesbian couple for about a year. Now, I didn’t expect them to let me join in with them or watch their sexual encounters. They fancied each other, not me. They were lesbians.

      What I definitely didn’t expect, though, was for them to have joyless, soulless, mechanical sex at the same time every evening night after night. No vocalization of sexual pleasure. Just the extremely noisy squeaking of the bed and banging of the headboard for half an hour. Then a five minute gap at half time when they swapped the strap-on and then another half hour of banging. You could set your fucking watch by it.

      The only time they ever experimented was on my lazy boy, and they broke it. I loved that reclining chair. It was at the ideal angle to watch the telly and it had my beer fridge next to it.

      So maybe my opinion on three ways has been coloured by that experience. what do you reckon?


      • eden baylee says :

        Damn, they broke your lazy boy? Wow, those things are usually made to last. They must have really been going at it. Hmm…

        I’d agree as a man with a lesbian couple, you’d have to rely on yourself for satisfaction, certainly in the case of the couple you lived with. It doesn’t sound like the type of sex they had turned you on anyway.

        On the other hand, if the women were also into you, then you would have a chance of pleasure, but that would need to be the motivation from the start. If you love to watch, and you can take it slow, and the women want to play, and you don’t have performance anxiety, and they don’t expect you to please them both equally, and they’re not jealous of each other, and and and …

        Michael, it might be easier to give yourself a hand job. 😉


      • thedailygrime says :

        fortunately, my current missus was also living with me and the lesbians, so I didn’t need to go unsatisfied. My missus isn’t averse to a bit of lady love, but even she found them a bit annoying. She certainly didn’t find any need to join in, whether I was there or not.

        I’ve never been fixated on the “fucking a pair of twins” fantasy, but if I could clone my missus, that would be my ideal double header blowjob right there.

        Mike x

  3. Steven Grant says :

    In general, I would say, men are clueless about lesbians. I think many men are deluded enough to think that if he were to walk in on two women together they would invite him to join. I can assure you that the vast majority would not. Now there is some wiggle room with the occasional bi-curious girlfriends but let’s face it how many people really win the Powerball lottery?

    From an experiential point of view I can tell you that the whole two chicks at once thing is WAY better in the brochure than it is in real life. To Eden’s point, satisfying one woman can be more than enough to keep a man occupied. Like many things in the world of porn, if you analyze them from a real world point of view, lesbians will disappoint you and the fantasy will fade under the scrutiny.

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