Lesbians – Why Men Are Obsessed By Them And How That Fact Leaves Me Slightly Bemused
Lesbians. Straight men are obsessed with them, aren’t they? Why? It’s not as if women are obsessed with gay men. Oh yes, every girl wants a Gay Best Friend to listen to her and go shoe shopping with her and give her tips on how to make anal sex less painful. (The trick, by the way, is not to be the one on the receiving end of it).
But despite this GBF fixation, there are very few women out there who would get their rocks off by watching two men fucking. Seemingly though, every straight man gets hot under the collar at the sight of two girls getting it on. Except for me.
I can understand the visual appeal, of course. You get to see two sets of everything. It’s sort of like having two train sets. Imagine that, two train sets. What boy wouldn’t want two train sets?
I’ll tell you what kind of boy wouldn’t want two train sets. The sort of little boy who knows fine well that, even though he’s going to see both train sets in all their glory, he’s going to have very little opportunity, if any, to actually play with them.
The brutal fact is that even if you do manage to engineer a three-way with two girls, you are still not going to have a very good time. Not unless you’ve paid a couple of very expensive hookers to provide the experience. And even then it would be touch and go.
This is because, 9 times out of 10, if two girls agree to a three-way with you, then you are just there as a temporary buffer. A sort of legitimizer to allow them to explore their Sapphic feelings for each other. In other words, after an initial few minutes of groping and wrestling around, you my friend, are not going to get a look in.
The only chance at all you have of getting any jollies at all is if you can persuade them to administer a double header blowjob during this short period of groping and wrestling. They might go for it. They can snog a bit while they’re down there and it can add that final stamp of legitimacy to their girl-on-girl experimentation. Even then though, you’ll get a hand finished belly splash. They have plans for the rest of the evening and those plans do not include any sperm going inside them.
Having said all this, it’s not all bad. Once you’re spent, you can just wipe yourself down and quietly sneak off. You don’t have the pressure of having to satisfy either of them, nor the obligation to cuddle or speak to either of them when the show is over. You can feel free to go and finish off the latest Assassin’s Creed on your X Box. You could even have a quick shave and nip down to the local pub for a few pints if it’s still early enough. They’ll be far too pre-occupied to ransack your house or anything. In fact, they probably won’t even notice you’re gone.
Does all this mean that most men are a bit deluded and ultimately sexually selfish? I think we all know the answer to that.
© Copyright Michael Grimes 2014