Cocaine Derisions – Why The Recently Disgraced Lord Sewel Should Actually Be Applauded
The above photo appeared in The Sun newspaper today. I was thoroughly disgusted by it. This man is Deputy Speaker of The House of Lords, and as such is supposed to be in charge of standards. I mean, look at him. What the hell does he think he’s doing?
Everybody knows that if a man wears a bra after snorting cocaine off a hooker’s breasts, the man must wear that bra on his head. He must drape it across his scalp so that the bra resembles a pair of headphones. While he does this, he should twiddle with the hooker’s nipples and make radio static noises whilst reciting the time honoured mantra “Tokyo, this is London calling. Come in, Tokyo.” It is a tradition as set in stone as Magna Carta.
That faux pas aside, you have to give a little grudging admiration to Lord Sewel. He’s sixty nine years old. Well done him. Or, more likely, well done Viagra. And he paid the hookers by cheque, which is delightfully cheeky.
During his prostitutional shenanigans, Lord Sewel jabbered on a bit. As a man will tend to do when he’s been snorting nose candy. And being a politician, he jabbered on about politics. He insulted virtually everyone in the sphere of British politics. Except, rather bizarrely, for George Osborne, about whom he said: “A very very consummate politician. He’ll be Prime Minister.”
My favourite three insults he came out with were, in reverse order:
“He is the most facile and superficial Prime Minister there’s ever been” (about David Cameron).
“He’s a joke…A public school, upper class twit” (about Mayor of London, Boris Johnson)
“We need to minimise the influence of this fucking idiot” (about union firebrand Len McClusky).
And these comments are very odd when you think about it. I mean, most people just spout gibberish while under the influence of cocaine. Lord Sewel must the only man in the world ever to talk sense with Bolivian marching powder in his system. (Apart from the bit about George Osborne, of course. The coke must have temporarily got the best of him at that point.)
Whatever you think of Lord Sewel’s antics, you have to tip your hat to him a bit. The fact that a hooker-hiring, drug-snorting Lord feels justified in looking down on virtually every politician in Britain must be annoying the hell out of all the public figures he has insulted. And anything that annoys politicians can only be a good thing. Let’s hope we hear a lot more of this sort of thing. (Just the insults will do. I regard the cocaine and the hookers as optional extras.)
In the meantime, here’s a picture of me showing Lord Sewel how a bra should be worn.
© Copyright Michael Grimes 2015