The Pulse of The Nation – How Chancellor George Osborne Is Just What The British Economy Needs

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George Osborne. He’s amazing, isn’t he?  He’s really got his finger on the pulse of the British Economy. No really, I mean it. This isn’t the set up for the time honoured “Shame he’s also got a pillow clamped firmly over the British Economy’s face” punchline. I mean exactly what I say.

The reason I mean exactly what I say is because I know what the phrase “finger on the pulse” really means. People use it as a compliment. They really shouldn’t.

One of the first thing you learn when you train to be a Doctor or a Nurse is that taking somebody’s pulse is not a particularly useful diagnostic tool. Some people have naturally high pulse rates and some people’s pulse rates are naturally low. Some have naturally strong pulses and some have pulses that even the most skilful medical practitioner can’t locate at all. Taking somebody’s pulse tells you very little about what may or may not be wrong with them.

So if taking someone’s pulse is next to useless diagnostically speaking, why do Doctors and Nurses still do it? The answer’s is simple. It gives them thinking time. They do it when they haven’t got the faintest idea what is wrong with the patient.

Hence why I can firmly state that George Osborne has got his finger on the pulse of the British Economy. In other words, he hasn’t got the first fucking clue what’s wrong with the Economy or and therefore he doesn’t know how to fix it.

He does know that he’s a Tory though, so instead of using that valuable thinking time, he’s just doing what Tories do to fix anything. Drastic cuts and giving as much money to the rich as possible. Ask a Tory to fix broken light switch and that would be the Tory’s solution. Drastic cuts and giving as much money to the rich as possible.

So yes, Chancellor George Osborne does have his finger on the pulse of the British Economy. Mind you, he doesn’t seem to have noticed that the British Economy is dead. Which is odd, given that he is the one who personally caved the back of its head in with a lump hammer.

© Copyright Michael Grimes 2015

 

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About thedailygrime

At that awkward age - too young to be a grumpy old man, but just acerbic and downtrodden enough to have an opinion. Read it here.

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