The Father Of Invention – The Fatal Flaw In The Central Argument Of Feminism  

You Might Want Rethink That Look Ashley.  It's A Bit Off Putting

You Might Want Rethink That Look Ashley. It’s A Bit Off Putting

The thing that I dislike about feminism is that it divides the human race. It divides it into two opposing camps, men and women. Yes, I know nature already did that a very long time ago but it didn’t codify it. At the risk of sounding like an old hippy, I think men and women should put aside their differences and work together as a team for the benefit of all. And like any team, they should be realistic about each other’s strengths and weaknesses.
Feminism does view the world as split in “Them” and “Us” though. The men, who are the “Haves” and the women, who are the “Have Nots”. This is, if you look at society as a whole, quite true.  Is it actually unfair though? As I’ve already said, I’m not a fan of this “Them and Us” mentality. I think it’s a dangerous and unproductive road to go down.

For the sake of argument though, I’m going to go down it anyway. Under duress. And because I find the whole thing so facetious, I’m going to present both sides of the debate in the most facetious way I can think of. In the style of the television programme “Argumental”. So firstly, here is Rufus Hound of the Blue Team presenting the case against women having an equal share.

How DARE You, Madam!

How DARE You, Madam!

So, women think they should have an equal share in all the soul-less goodies that modern life has to offer. Why is that then, exactly? What, ladies, gives you the temerity to demand half dibs in something towards which you have contributed virtually nothing?

The harsh fact here is that all the cool things which equal pay and prominence in society would give you have been invented by men. Invented by men, built by men and handed to you on a plate by men.

Since the dawn of time, men have sat in their sheds – or whatever the equivalent of a shed was before a man invented the shed- they have sat in their sheds and thought really hard about how to improve the world. Everything you can name which is of any import has been conceived of and designed by a bloke.

Oh, there have been female inventors of course. Not very many though. The longest list I have been able to find of “Famous Female Inventors” has 62 names on it. Sixty two women in the whole of history who have come up with something important enough for them to become famous for it. There are more patents and patents pending in a Dyson vacuum cleaner than there are on that list. A fact which probably escapes most women, as the vacuum cleaner is a device with which most of them are becoming increasingly unfamiliar.

How dare you ladies? How dare you lay equal claim to the treasures of modern world? You didn’t fucking invent any of these things. Didn’t invent them, didn’t build them, don’t deserve them. From this moment on, Feminists should shut their mouths and silently pray that men don’t realise these facts, turn around and say : “Yes, we will give you your fair share. We’ll give to you in proportion to your historical contribution”

So, in summary, women are already getting far more than they deserve. Vote against women. Vote Blue!

And now, Marcus Brigstocke, on behalf of the Red Team, presents the argument for women getting an equal share.

You're Not The Only One Who Can Grow Impressive Face Furniture, Rufus.

You’re Not The Only One Who Can Grow Impressive Face Furniture, Rufus.

Firstly, let me apologise on behalf of my learned friend, not only for being a giant arse but also for getting his facts wrong. Look through the patent records of the world, and you will find that ten per cent of patents are registered to women. Does this mean that men should get ninety per cent of all of the world’s technological wonders and women merely ten per cent? I put it to you that it does not.

Most of the women’s patents were submitted in the Twentieth Century. In this century, the numbers of female inventors are rising rapidly. Men have hogged the shed space for far too long. Women didn’t invent things because they were put in a position that didn’t allow them to. Rufus’ argument is akin to inviting someone to a banquet and then complaining that they ate neither heartily nor elegantly because you tied their arms behind their back.

Women are great utilitarian modifiers of things. A man invented, the car but it was a woman who invented the windshield wiper. She did this a couple of years after the invention of the windshield. Until that point, men cleaned their windshields by leaning out of their cars and wiping the glass with a cloth.

Compare this with an example from the Nineteenth Century, when men were still in charge of all the inventing. Canned food was invented in 1810. The can opener wasn’t invented until 1858. For 48 years, canned food was accessed by means of a hammer and chisel. Not very impressive by comparison I think you’ll agree.

And let’s not forget where all of these illustrious male inventors came from. There isn’t one of them who wasn’t grown inside and pushed out of woman. Granted, childbirth is just a biological fact and not a special skill, but only women can do it. And why were all of these men driven to invent things in the first place? Scientific curiosity? A thirst for knowledge? No, they did it to impress women.

By this measure, women should be entitled to far more than half. If men are lucky though, they might just be magnanimous and settle for an equal share. So vote for women. Vote Blue!

These are the arguments for and against. Personally, I don’t agree with either of them. I believe all the toys of the world should be put in front of boys and girls and they should be free to choose what they will. If the boys pick up the dolls, let them have the dolls. If the girls pick up the Meccano, let them play with the Meccano.

If the boys grow up to want to design ladies shoes, fair enough. If the girls grow up and want to design spaceships, then likewise. Ignore what a person has between their legs. Unless it happens to be a horse, in which case a career as a jockey probably beckons. It’s not a very popular opinion. Sorry.

© Copyright Michael Grimes 2013


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About thedailygrime

At that awkward age - too young to be a grumpy old man, but just acerbic and downtrodden enough to have an opinion. Read it here.

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