Professor Piehead – How To Fix The Eurozone With The Unlikely Combination Of Britain And Germany


At best The Eurozone has been, in the words of Professor Piehead, only a partial success. Though to be fair, the whole idea of a Single European Currency was kicked squarely in the nuts from the start when Gordon Brown steadfastly refused to let Britain have anything to do with it.

Then, after that, the Good Ship Euro was holed under the water when Greece and Italy joined in. If you’re going to try and form a stable monetary union, the last countries you invite to join are ones whose native currency measures the price of an ice cream cone in the thousands. If indeed you invite them at all.

So, after the disgraceful banking events of 2008, it was left to the poor old Germans to prop everything up and stop a domino effect happening after the imminent defaults of Greece, Italy and Portugal. “The poor old Germans”. That’s a phrase I never envisaged myself saying when I was a little boy reading my “Commando” magazines and my “Victor” annuals.

It was the poor old Germans that stopped it though. And it was an actual “real and present danger” domino effect that was looming on the horizon. Not the spurious Communist “was never going to happen because it’s obvious that communism’s a bit shit” domino effect that senator McCarthy and his pals were so terrified of.

The Euro is in trouble, and it needs to look to German history for a rescue plan. When Germany suffered hyper-inflation in 1923, the solution was simple. They simply stopped calling the currency Reichsmarks, changed the name to Deutschmarks and started over again.

This is what The Euro needs to do. The name sounds far too louche and inefficient. It needs a strong sounding, trustworthy name. I think “Das Pound” would fit the bill nicely. In recognition of how uncharacteristically decent the Germans have been recently.

© Copyright Michael Grimes 2014


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About thedailygrime

At that awkward age - too young to be a grumpy old man, but just acerbic and downtrodden enough to have an opinion. Read it here.

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