Vertical Thinking – How Inventors Rarely Seem To Consider The Consequences Of Their Work

This Poses As Many Questions As It Answers.

This Poses As Many Questions As It Answers.


Inventors tend to be idealists. When Sir Tim Berners-Lee came up with the World Wide Web, it was intended as a research tool. I’m fairly confident he didn’t pitch it as a solution to the problem of not sitting in front of a computer in your boxer shorts and eating pizza until three in the morning.

As you can see from the picture above, another inventor – I’m making the assumption it wasn’t Sir Tim-  has had a crack at solving the Toilet Roll Conundrum. Namely, when you put the roll on the holder, do you have the sheets hanging next to the wall or dangling out into space at the front? I favour the latter.

According to the book “Why Men Don’t Listen And Women Can’t Read Maps”, this is because I’m a man.  When it’s time to change the roll, women tend to have the sheets next to the wall and men tend to have them dangling into space. When the men actually bother to change the roll of course, which is pretty much never, so I’m not sure where the authors of the book gleaned their evidence for this theory.

Still, all these points are now moot, because now we have the vertical toilet roll holder. Problem solved, yes? Actually, no. It’s more a case of problem displaced. There are households where arguments revolve around which way to hang the toilet tissue. This is probably because men – though they won’t actually change the roll- are quite happy to flip over the one that’s already there if its orientation disturbs them.

In households such as these, you can bet that installing a vertical toilet roll holder would only cause a different argument. Do you put the roll on clockwise or anti-clockwise? In other words, do you tear the sheets way from you when you rip them off or towards you? I don’t know what the male/female split of opinion is on this, but I do know this. There’s no fucking pleasing some people. I am one of those people. Mind you, if you’ve ever read my blog before, you’ve probably already guessed that.

© Copyright Michael Grimes 2014


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

About thedailygrime

At that awkward age - too young to be a grumpy old man, but just acerbic and downtrodden enough to have an opinion. Read it here.

4 responses to “Vertical Thinking – How Inventors Rarely Seem To Consider The Consequences Of Their Work”

  1. eden baylee says :

    I must be a man, then.

    I like my toilet paper hanging from the front. And the reason is (seems only logical to me ) because anything that is going to touch my privates should NOT have touched the wall. That just seems contrary to hygiene.

    As for that vertical thing…design over common sense. Maybe some people might consider it nuanced, and like it because it’s pretty, but really …

    When I need to wipe my ass, the last thing I’ll be considering is a different spin on a toilet roll.


    • thedailygrime says :

      That book I mention in this post also claims that men can instinctively point to magnetic North and women can’t. Clearly bollocks. Toilet paper hanging at the front is the correct answer. It’s the only logical choice. Why do it the other way around? You have a hot shower. All that moisture dripping down the walls. Disgusting.

      • eden baylee says :

        Yes, so true about the shower…my experience is a bit grosser. As a kid, I grew up in an apartment with roaches. I would never have the paper hanging against the wall because roaches crawled on it, and could get on the paper too.
        The horror…

      • thedailygrime says :

        Oh, you poor thing. I’m lucky. I’ve never seen a cockroach in real life, only on the telly. Though the house I grew up in backed onto the main refuse Depot for the great city of Newcastle upon Tyne, so we did get rats. They only got as far as the back garden though, not the bathroom.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: