Love Song

It seems it’s very fashionable to mutilate the genre of musical theatre with ill advised renderings of shows such as  “The Sound of Music”. So I thought I’d throw this out there. It’s some alternative lyrics to “These Are a Few of My Favourite Things” for all you BDSM fans and paraphiliacs out there.

Well, This Is All Very Jolly, Isn't It?

Well, This Is All Very Jolly, Isn’t It?

Vodka and cocaine, royhpnol laced tipples

Hot wax and razors and oily clamped nipples

How the lubricant glides and the sex harness swings

These are a few of my favourite things

Colonics with hot gin and whippings with nettles

Needles in loose skin and moist labial petals

Blowjobs in doorways and back alley flings

These are a few of my favourite things

CHORUS:

When the world’s shite, and my life mings, when I’m feeling bad

I simply remember my favourite things

Then I’m thick and engorged, and glad

Errm....I'm Not Really Too Sure About This.

Errm….I’m Not Really Too Sure About This.

Black rubber dresses, the dungeon light strobing

Sticky white messes and deep anal probing

The stroke of the lash, how its sweet memory clings

These are a few of my favourite things

Cocks hefty as drainpipes require KY jelly

Or tit sex or foot sex with spunk on the belly

Without these, your love holes might end up in slings

But still they are one of my favourite things

Repeat Chorus

Right, That's It, I'm Ringing My Agent RIGHT Now!

Right, That’s It, I’m Ringing My Agent RIGHT Now!

Amyl soaked oranges, auto asphyxia

Spiky black boots Mistress wears when she kicks ya

Genital shocks ‘til your legs stretch like springs

These are a few of my favourite things

Kissing and stroking and licking and sucking

Fisting and poking and rimming and fucking

The kiss of The Cat, how each nerve ending sings

These are a few of my favourite things.

Repeat chorus to fade

Ok. I'll Dress Up As a Nun, But That's As Far As I'm Going.

Ok. I’ll Dress Up As a Nun, But That’s As Far As I’m Going.

I wrote this as a joke Christmas present to my then girlfriend about ten years ago. Bizarrely enough, she’s still my girlfriend now. Women are funny, aren’t they?

© Copyright Michael Grimes 2012

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About thedailygrime

At that awkward age - too young to be a grumpy old man, but just acerbic and downtrodden enough to have an opinion. Read it here.

2 responses to “Love Song”

  1. Ned's Blog says :

    I’m not really into musicals, but this has promise…

  2. eden baylee says :

    Fantastic, love it! Your girlfriend has good taste.
    eden

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