The Suicide Dilution – The Creeping Death That Threatens The NHS

The Secretary of State for Health. No, Seriously, He Is.

The Secretary of State for Health. No, Seriously, He Is.

That’s a picture of Jeremy Hunt. He’s Secretary of State for Health. And I don’t trust him. I don’t trust any politician of course, but I particularly don’t trust this one. I think it’s the hair. In the old days, politicians had slicked down, smarmy hair that said “I’m a politician and yes, I am a smarmy git.” It was all up front and everyone knew where they stood. Modern politicians’ hair is a bit too funky for my liking. I mean funky as in “hip and groovy”, not as in smelly.

Politicians have to smell nice nowadays. You can’t wander around today’s political landscape dressed like Michael Foot anymore. Not that it worked out well for Michael Foot either, and those were the days when Blue Stratos and Brut 33 were considered sophisticated fragrances for the man about town.

Jeremy Hunt’s hair, and the fact that he’s a politician, are not the only reasons I don’t trust him. The main reason I don’t trust his stewardship of the NHS is that he believes in Homeopathy. I’ll pause a second to allow that to sink in. the Secretary of State for Health believes in Homeopathy. This is like finding out that Einstein believed in Tarot Cards. Or that Isaac Newton believed in Alchemy. Well, actually Isaac Newton did believe in Alchemy but science hadn’t yet been rigidly defined in the 17th Century.  Physics, Alchemy, Astrology etc were all lumped together under the umbrella term “Natural Philosophy.” Plus, like all good geniuses, Isaac Newton was a bit of a mentalist.

Mr Jeremy Hunt, however, does not have the excuse of being born in the  1600s to fall back on in this regard. He was born in 1966. That’s 301 years after Newton’s “Annus Mirabilis”. So today,  he should have 347 more years of scientific progress behind him than Newton. Yet still, he believes in Homeopathy.

Homeopathy is an alternative medicine system. The word itself comes from the Greek words “Homoios” meaning “Like” and “Pathos” meaning “Suffering”. And this describes it quite accurately. It is an alternative to medicine that leaves the patient feeling like they are still suffering the symptoms of their ailment exactly as if they have had no treatment at all. Which of course they haven’t. Homeopathy was devised by Samuel Hahnemann in 1796. There’s your second clue.

The theory states that a patient can be treated by being given diluted solutions of substances that produce the same symptoms as the illness itself. And that the more dilute the solution is, the stronger the curative effect. Clearly, like Sir Isaac Newton, Samuel Hahnemann was a bit of a mentalist. Sadly, unlike Newton, he was not a genius. Even Scientologists think homeopathy is bonkers.

Jeremy Hunt’s belief in Homeopathy may be a bit of a mystery, but it does explain his behaviour as Secretary of State for Health. However much the British Public might love the NHS, there is no doubt that the institution itself is sick. Jeremy Hunt’s cure is to make sure that any assistance he gives it is so tiny as to be vanishingly small. The most powerful homeopathic remedy he can devise. And this would be fine if homeopathy actually worked. And if he wasn’t also simultaneously stabbing the patient in the neck and kicking it in the bollocks. Call me a bluff old traditionalist, but nothing gets better if you treat it like that.

© Copyright Michael Grimes 2013

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About thedailygrime

At that awkward age - too young to be a grumpy old man, but just acerbic and downtrodden enough to have an opinion. Read it here.

6 responses to “The Suicide Dilution – The Creeping Death That Threatens The NHS”

  1. Andrew Glancey says :

    Do you remember that teacher, we used to call Warwick? As in Warwick Hunt! I bet that was this blokes nickname at school!

  2. Doctor Sharkey says :

    I’m sorry mate, but you’re wrong.

    ‘Like cures like’ for example. Whenever I’m drunk, I find that lots of vodka sobers me up. Also the principle of infinitesimal dilution (the other part of homeopathy) works very well. I find that the more I water down my JD, the stronger it becomes. If I wave an empty bottle over my bath, the water turns into a LETHAL concoction. Much stronger than the neat stuff out if the bottle…

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