The roots of Valentine’s Day can be traced back to the Catholic Churches ‘Feast of Saint Valentine’, which celebrates the martyrdom of the persecuted Valentinus, who healed his jailer’s daughter and left the note ‘from your Valentine’ before being taken to a gladiator arena where he got two shades of shit kicked out of him in front of 60,000 pissed up Roman spectators.
Being decapitated in front of some jeering Roman’s, how romantic!
In recent years Hallmark and artisan chocolatiers have succeeded in taking this religious commemoration by duping emotionally stunted men into making amends for their years of neglect and general disinterest in their relationships by asserting that a person’s love can be measured by the size of an invariably overpriced teddy bear gifted on an arbitrary date in February! On this day, faux French restaurants with the confusing and unwarranted presence of a failed concert violinist will be…
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